LCM: "I Now Pronounce You Husband and Wife"

7/14/1991 - Stockton, CA. Married less than 1 hour.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I would be starting a new series of “Life Changing Moments.” Note to the reader: These may not be your life-changing moments, but they were moments in my life where things changed. I am not ranking them. There is no order. However, I thought I would begin this blogging journey with what I think is THE most important moment I have experienced: the moment I was married. Consequently, that moment just happens to have happened 33 years ago today. Funny enough, it was also a Sunday.

Weddings

If you know me, you know that I’m not a fan of weddings. So much time and effort (and money) are put into a wedding, but I believe that at the end of the day, the only people who REALLY want to be at a wedding are the bride and groom (and probably a few family members).

Now, as a dad, whether it’s a daughter or son getting married, I love the simple. Gather your favorite people. Have a brief ceremony and then celebrate well. Don’t get tied up in all the silliness.

I can hear my critics already. Some of you live for weddings. You love the pageantry. The dresses. The suits. The formality of the ceremony. I’ve been told multiple times that even simple weddings take time and planning and attention to details (was that my wife’s voice?). That’s not what I’m pushing back on. Plan for a nice event. Take your time. Just please do me a favor and keep it simple.

Alright, Grumpy Fletch is done with his wedding rant. I get it. I understand that many people hold weddings as the epitome of joy, love, and all things beautiful in a relationship. Weddings also hold many traditions. Think of the bride walking down the aisle with her father. There is the exchange of rings and the famous kiss that the bride and groom share. There are also many words spoken at a wedding that have become part of the “typical wedding script.” But, have you ever paused to think about the weight of those words spoken at the culmination of every wedding ceremony? The version I would like you to consider today is this: "I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Think about it. Let that sink in. That is no ordinary phrase—it’s a life-altering declaration.

The Turning Point

The moment our college pastor Tim declared, "I now pronounce you husband and wife," our individual lives transformed forever. It wasn't just two people standing in front of a crowd at a random church in Stockton, CA. We were no longer just boyfriend and girlfriend, partners, or even fiancés. We were declared husband and wife.

I know that means many things to many people. For us, it could have meant that we were united as one in the eyes of God or united as a couple in front of friends and family. In this specific situation, it could also have meant the addition of a new son- or daughter-in-law to the Hopper and Fletcher families. And, let's not forget the government, because now we became a new potential taxable entity to the great state of California.

Regardless of how it appeared, this was a turning point. A new chapter began. Life as an individual transformed into life as a spouse, a partner, a teammate, a co-navigator of the future. When I look back on the photos or drag out the hand held video made by Kendra’s brother, I can look back now and see a moment that encapsulates the promise of a shared journey, through thick and thin, ups and downs, laughter and tears.

A Declaration of Commitment

Your view of marriage may be very simple. Be thankful. I have been married under the umbrella of evangelical Christianity, and I think the longer I've been married, the more I appreciate a simple understanding of marriage and commitment to another person.

As I watch my parents, still married in their 90s, I have a front-row seat to what it means to commit and care for one another. I have learned that marriage has less to do with all the books and seminars about roles, responsibilities, and all the other unnecessary bullshit the American evangelical church has dumped on marriage. Don't get me wrong, I acknowledge that marriage is much more than just the ceremony of putting rings on each other's fingers, reciting traditional vows, and signing a business partnership.

These words and a ring all serve as a symbol of something more: a profound commitment. A promise to stand by each other's side, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health. Kendra and I vowed to face every challenge and every joy as a team. When one of us stumbles, the other is there to help them back up on their feet. When we celebrate a milestone, we celebrate the achievement together. We may not have known the specific details, but we chose to face life's challenges together, no longer as solo travelers but as a united front. This declaration was a choice to intertwine our lives indefinitely with each other - the good, the bad, the mundane, and the extraordinary. All of it.

The Joy of Companionship

Kendra loves to tell people that she’s really glad we chose to get married young. I was 22 and she was 20 at the time. As opposed to living out adventures and experiences as single people before getting married, we shared those experiences together. Those simple words brought me the gift of companionship for the past 33 years. I enjoy knowing that someone has my back. I approach each day with a constant ally to face the challenges of life. That’s great, but I also have a companion for the mundane moments, from grocery shopping to cleaning dishes to cleaning up the yard. That’s also the joy of companionship.

A Journey Worth Taking

7/13/2024 - Northern California Coast. Married 33 years.

Let's be real - marriage isn't always smooth sailing. My wife can tell you it takes work, empathy, and often a hefty dose of patience. But trust me, it's worth every bit of effort. Looking back on our wedding day 33 years later, I'm still amazed at how lucky I am to share my life with such an incredible partner. And you know what? It feels like our love story is just getting started.

So the next time you're at a wedding and you hear, "I now pronounce you husband and wife," Remember, it's not just the end of the ceremony. It's the beginning of an adventure journey where two people learn the art of compromise, selflessness, and the joy of building a life full of their own quirky traditions.

I now pronounce you husband and wife. Simple words with a profound meaning. They changed everything for me. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Stay tuned. More life changing moments on the way.

Quietly making noise,
Fletch